Pandemic Journal March 15th- March 19th

Sunday March 15, Sunday

Everyone else is still sleeping. I should be working on my short story. Or sleeping.

Yesterday was a bit tough for the kids and it was only the first official day we instituted “social distancing.”
Most of our friends are getting together, friends are knocking at the door, posting their time together on
social media. What is the right thing to do? How strict should I be? Don’t judge! I tell myself. We are all
doing the best we can with the information we have. I am just overly cautious with anything that has to do
with the word epidemic. I can't help it, it's the subject of some of my favorite books and worst nightmares.

Yesterday I ate like crap.

I don’t work out at home as hard as I do at the gym.

Are we all going to get fat, gray and grizzled?

I wanted to write-there’s so much time, being stuck at home!

But my kids want me: they want to whine to me that they are bored, hungry, that they want to see their friends.
S. wants me: he wants my help in the kitchen, needs to know where this is or what that does. He wants me to
move this, get that.

And my mind is all over the place.

What is happening in Spain, where my aunt lives?

What are my friends doing? What are they thinking?

Has Tom Hanks and his wife recovered?

How many new cases are there in Ohio now?

What are other states doing to prevent the spread?

Never mind the more esoteric questions to which there are no answers yet:

Will this really just last 3 weeks?

Will this virus just be the new norm, never to go away completely?

Will social distancing work?

How serious is it really? Is all this really necessary? It’s not like it’s Ebola…

Monday, March 16

Well, I’m trusting that it’s pretty serious because more and more things are closing everyday.
Restaurants and bars are closing now (take-out only). They are saying schools will be out for the year.

What is this going to look like for the world? Is it going to help? Is this life until we have a vaccine?
Or will this truly run itself out?

If there is no discernible reprieve, I can see people rebelling, not following isolation orders. At that point,
it will be caution to the wind and perhaps our elderly population and those of weaker immune systems will
die off.

The girls handled it better yesterday. Partly because the sun was out some of the day; the snow glittering,
until it melted. Partly because things got worse out in the world and they are understanding how serious this is. 

N. played with her friend outside, snow gear on. We waved at her family from across the yard. I’m not sure
they are following any of this. The daughter seems confused as to why N. can’t go to her house, nor why
can't come in. I feel bad. The look on her face when I didn't let her in...

M. talked and Facetimed her friends. She had a good cry, mascara running down her face (mascara?? At least
she is retaining her sense of pride; I have dressed in warm yoga pants without makeup for the last few days.)
I took her for a drive and I took her to the craft store to get some stuff to do. 

I’ve been more lenient with them both. This is tough for them. We allowed them to make slime after years
of banishing the practice, we’re allowing more time on the phone, letting them mess up the kitchen to make
cookies or snacks or their own lunch. They’re having a lot more tv time too. We all are.

Things will get more structured here in a couple days when our online world gets organized and they start school.

I forced myself to do some writing. Once I got started it was a wonderful flow. It’s getting away from the
news, my phone and the constant updates, news and funny, cathartic comments from my group chat of friends.

It’s getting away from the puzzle I started. What will I do when I (we) finish it? I don’t have another new one.
Trade with friends?

Tuesday, March 17th

Oh yeah, it’s St. Patrick’s Day.The parade was cancelled weeks ago. Bars and restaurants closed days ago.
No celebrating this year.

I went in to work yesterday. We cleaned and organized like it was the end of the year. It was nice to be around
people again, but a little weird as we were all wary of each other. The atmosphere was something like being at
a funeral; where you are happy to see people you haven’t seen in a while yet you’re not sure if it’s okay to
laugh and smile. 

It’s very scary, thinking about how the world will recover after this ends. Assuming it will end…

What if it doesn’t, not really? This is a virus that targets the elderly and the weak. What if this is nature’s way
of culling the population? It needs to be done. It will be done, in some fashion, in some way, at some time in
the near or far future. We know the earth cannot sustain a growing population of consumers and predators
like ourselves. 

If I knew this was Nature's ultimate plan, I could accept it. I could even accept that I may be one of the
weak ones. I might feel a little betrayed, however: Have I not always had a special connection with nature?
One I have appreciated, nurtured and tried to instill in my children? Have I not always been grateful for the
things nature gives and shows us? Have I not always been kind to plants and animals, including insects
and dirt? But nature is arbitrary.

Thursday, March 19th

Yesterday was cold and wet and felt so unfair. I shouldn’t expect much from Ohio weather but really,
Coronavirus, social isolation and bad weather? At least we have electricity, wifi, water and the food supply
working. I remind myself to be thankful for that, every moment. My kids are pretty independent, they
help out and they are well-behaved.

Nighttime is hardest; spirits are lower.
I just feel like this may never end and the social isolation may be for nothing in the end.

It’s so much harder because some of M.'s friends are still allowed out. She thinks we are so unreasonable,
so unfair.

The BMVs closed also. She begged me to take her to get her license before it closed at the end of the
day for the foreseeable future. The last appointment is at 4:30 and she told me this at 3:15 so it was a
no-go anyway. I am in no rush for M. to get her license so I was not going to bolt out the door to stand in
a stuffy waiting room with multiple other people, nor allow M. to sit in a car less than 3 feet away from a
stranger who's been with countless others throughout the day. I am surprised the BMVs were actually
doing exams.

Yesterday I cleaned out the pantry and it looks so beautifully organized. We finished the steampunk puzzle,
also beautiful. We finished ‘Lost in Space’ on Netflix, did a little homework, board games and exercise. 

Today was the first official online education day.