State of Mind for November

November is NaNoWriMo. For those who haven't heard of it, National Novel Writing Month is a movement created to inspire anyone who dreams of writing a book to write 50,000 words in one month. 

That's a lot. About 1,667 words a day.                        

I have never "won" NaNo, and I don't know if I will this year either, but for the last few weeks, I have been paving the way to do so. 

I have been outlining, character sketching and researching. Everything but the actual writing. 

I have nightmares about not having anything to write, about quitting because it's too hard.

What if I just like the research?

What if I don't have the skill? What if I don't have the stamina, the persistence, or the focus?

I don't think I have any of those things in abundance. What I do have is a passion for writing, and for reading. I have a love of character and story. I feel closer to my writing than I ever have before. I feel like I'm about to take a big leap where I'll either fail, or succeed, both of which are frightening.

So, if you don't hear from me in November, it might mean that I'm busy writing, or that I'm hiding under my blankets in shame. 

OR, I may just be hiding because...

I'm a worrier. And it's overwhelming lately. There's so much to worry about right now:

Covid-19: going into lockdown again

                 "living with it" through winter 

                 getting it

                                                                                                     spreading it

                                    The election: Trump winning

                                                           Trump not winning

                                                           four more years of this surreality

                                    The environment:fires

                                                                  floods

                                                                  hurricanes

                                                                  melting polar ice

                                                                  climate change

Never mind the everyday things that certainly haven't gone anywhere. 

But, I take solace in my friends, and family who I commiserate, and complain with. I can take solace in my dog, whose innocence/ignorance is sometimes enviable. 

Obligatory cute puppy photo:)

And, I have my reading and my writing, which is the best blanket to hide under. 

                                    

            

Shameless Erratic-a

It’s been a while... {Updated}

I didn't know what to write, even though there’s been a lot on my mind.

I read a book on the justice system and how it works against the poor and blacks (not to mention immigrants).

I read a book of sci-fi short stories and wondered a lot about quantum physics and why I just can’t seem to get some of the concepts, even when it’s allegorized for me. Am I missing that part of my brain?

I read an early draft of an adult fantasy novel for a fellow writer and am in awe of her determination to finish it and then follow through. 

There’s a lot to worry about right now... 

And I’m worrying about all of it. 

Americans seem to have a deathwish: healthcare, guns, our lunatic president, and now, showing indifference to or forgetting it’s Covid-19 time. Did you know there are actual Covid parties, where people gather with someone infected??  

My writer’s brain worries that this is the beginning of the end. Not an end to the world, but an end to the most. My writer’s brain wonders: will the virus kill off the older, making way for the younger, the ones who can change the world for the better, at a time when many troubling issues are coming to a head? will state borders close, civil war ensue between states that live strictly but more safely, and those that value freedom over all else (not to mention the underlying political and social reasons that have divided certain states’ sentiments all along). My writer’s brain marvels that it will not be a quick ending, like in the movies, but a long, drawn-out one. 

My mama brain worries about everything it always did, but it now has to worry about the kids getting sick or carrying, about them having enough social contact, and physical distance from those contacts. And of course, going back to school; there’s no good solution to that. 

We were recently self-isolating…

Someone we had contact with tested positive. We had to make calls to people we were hoping to see and worse, people we had seen. Even when two more tests revealed the person was actually negative, we were practically ostracized for the full two-week period. I can’t blame people (I'm freaked out about it too), but it’s a sucky feeling, especially happening to your kids.   

On the other hand, friends were very sweet and generous, offering to grocery shop for us, dropping goodies off and checking in with us.

But this is what life is going to look like from here on out for the foreseeable future. Be prepared to self-isolate. We are all going to come in contact with someone who either feels like they have it, or someone who tests positive, and you’re going to get that phone call too. You'll have to decide if you are going to do the right thing and tell people, or do the easy thing and hide it.

To bring some joy and distraction (complication) into all this…

We finally said yes to getting a dog. Which turns out to be a puppy, because in all the surrounding states, I could not find a “hypoallergenic” rescue. She has certainly been a distraction (and okay, some joy too), but I imagine it’s kind of like deciding to have a baby during wartime; there is an element of hope in the act, but too late, you wonder why you are bringing another life into this mad, mad, world.