State of Mind for November

November is NaNoWriMo. For those who haven't heard of it, National Novel Writing Month is a movement created to inspire anyone who dreams of writing a book to write 50,000 words in one month. 

That's a lot. About 1,667 words a day.                        

I have never "won" NaNo, and I don't know if I will this year either, but for the last few weeks, I have been paving the way to do so. 

I have been outlining, character sketching and researching. Everything but the actual writing. 

I have nightmares about not having anything to write, about quitting because it's too hard.

What if I just like the research?

What if I don't have the skill? What if I don't have the stamina, the persistence, or the focus?

I don't think I have any of those things in abundance. What I do have is a passion for writing, and for reading. I have a love of character and story. I feel closer to my writing than I ever have before. I feel like I'm about to take a big leap where I'll either fail, or succeed, both of which are frightening.

So, if you don't hear from me in November, it might mean that I'm busy writing, or that I'm hiding under my blankets in shame. 

OR, I may just be hiding because...

I'm a worrier. And it's overwhelming lately. There's so much to worry about right now:

Covid-19: going into lockdown again

                 "living with it" through winter 

                 getting it

                                                                                                     spreading it

                                    The election: Trump winning

                                                           Trump not winning

                                                           four more years of this surreality

                                    The environment:fires

                                                                  floods

                                                                  hurricanes

                                                                  melting polar ice

                                                                  climate change

Never mind the everyday things that certainly haven't gone anywhere. 

But, I take solace in my friends, and family who I commiserate, and complain with. I can take solace in my dog, whose innocence/ignorance is sometimes enviable. 

Obligatory cute puppy photo:)

And, I have my reading and my writing, which is the best blanket to hide under.