The Farmer in the Dell

 Do you remember that singing game/nursery rhyme The Farmer in the Dell?

We  played it in elementary school, sometimes in music class, but more often, to fill time in the classroom.

We never played it at recess, it was one of those games that was forced upon us. 

I'm not sure anyone liked it. I hated it.   

I hated holding hands with my classmates; cold and clammy, warm and sweaty. I truly appreciated those hands that were tepid and dry. 

More than that, I hated the anxiety of being chosen, and the anxiety of not being chosen.

It was my greatest anxiety to be the farmer, in that circle alone, while my classmates spun around me, waiting to judge me for who I chose to be "the wife". No matter what, I was miserable after the choice. I either eschewed my friends to pick a more popular choice that would garner joy and laughter, or I risked shrugs and eye rolls when I chose my friends or someone who I felt deserved a turn.   

Why did I care so much what others thought? Why did I so readily look for signs of disapproval? 

I'm still good at that. It's one of my greatest talents. I'm so good at it that I can find it even if it's years-old disapproval, or if you didn't even know it was there.

No one wanted to be the cheese. The cheese stands alone, after all. Alone in a circle with classmates jeering at you.

And no one really wanted to be the rat, either. Poor rats.

It seems nowadays, they've changed those lyrics from rat to mouse.                                          

A heartening lesson I should take from this is that, once the game was over, it was forgotten. No one remembered who chose who, no one remembered who was the cheese.

But I did.

How about you? Did you like playing The Farmer in the Dell? What about Red Rover, Red Rover?